Starting Over

Don’t fill these empty spaces,
Leave them alone for the moment,
Close your eyes,
Seek comfort in nothingness,
Finding reassurance in Spartan starkness.

This clutter of disguised insecurities,
Sweep it all aside this instant,
Absorb the clarity,
Of this pristine space,
Reveling in a momentary state of grace.

Now swirl your paintbrushes,
In hues unseen, step away,
From a monochrome destiny,
And create a terpsichorean vision,
Of twirling, twinkling, dancing passion.

No longer hesitant,
Nor afraid anymore, of new beginnings,
And life at its unrehearsed best,
Of leaping into the unknown abyss,
And taking final aim at everlasting bliss.

© Pragya

2 Comments

  1. last linesof S1 and S2 I'd avoid the gerund and make botht he verbs active. "Find reassurance" and "Revel in…" also the same in S4. The second line of S1 is clear and I like it in a general sense, but I wonder if you might find a sharper more vivid way to do more work in that spot.It's a crucial moment in the poem, and while the line is fine, I wonder if you could pound the audience with something a little sparklier.for example:"Don't fill these empty spaceswith the baggage your mother gave youclose your eyes,Seek refuge in this nothing;rind reassurance in our Spartan starkness."now, that's just an example..not a suggested rewrite or anything.I'm trying to illustrate that you can convey more information with a a strong specific image and active verbs. Now, this isn't to say you always should do that. but the concept is usually sound.In the last stanza, I think you weaken your point a bit in a couple of subtle ways.Second line, remove the word "anymore" and the comma. End it with a colon.Third line, remove the AndFourth line, remove the 'of' and make it imperitive. end in a semicolonfifth line remove the And again, make it imperitive."No longer hesitant,nor afraid of new beginnings:Life at its unrehearsed best,leap into the abyss;take aim at everlasting bliss."or something like that. You've built your argument for a certain style of life, now, in the final stanza, demand the audience follow you.Frankly, I tend to lean more to the poetic axiom of 'show don't tell.'But that, like all poetic rules can be, and sometimes should be, broken. Since you are committed to telling, tell.Fondly yours,Zen

  2. wow! zen, you speak a few words!!!!!!!!!!!! ha ha hapragya i posted my comments on the other epiphany.:-)


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