(Up) Set the Pace

In response to a writing exercise that required the description of something that upset the normal course of events in a life and how we emerged victorious.

What if I was to gladly welcome an upsetting of the pace of my life? What if I feel it couldn’t get any worse, only better? Perhaps I believe that the choices I have made and the resulting consequences have led me to a never-ending saga of despair and disillusionment, where I am getting increasingly cynical and jaded as the years go by. Perhaps my best efforts at every stage of my life have only contributed to maintaining a steady state of defeated disenchantment. Perhaps I see my life as one long, flat-lined, comatose moment, where the life support systems and mechanisms have been working just fine and keeping me technically alive, but never really living.An upset to this pace then, would be a welcome change.

It would be the much desired blip on the life-signs monitoring system, making me sit up, throw off the tubes and swing my feet forward poised for actions that would help me emerge fulfilled and victorious. It would then be easy for me to look back, from the present day vantage point, and gracefully accept the defeat, one that stretched, agonizingly, over two decades.

Perhaps now is the time to emerge victorious from this defeat, the time to start over, to seriously consider the entreaty from an incarnation of myself from a week ago, that went as follows:

Don’t fill these empty spaces,
Leave them alone for the moment,
Close your eyes,
Seek comfort in nothingness,
Find reassurance in Spartan starkness.

This clutter of disguised insecurities,
Sweep it all aside this instant,
Absorb the clarity,
Of this pristine space,
Revel in a momentary state of grace.

Now swirl your paintbrushes,
In hues unseen, step away,
From a monochrome destiny,
And create a terpsichorean vision,
Of twirling, twinkling dancing passion.

No longer hesitant,
Nor afraid anymore, of new beginnings,
And life at its unrehearsed best,
Of leaping into the unknown abyss,
And taking final aim at everlasting bliss.

If I could do what I told myself to do last week would I then be happier, more fulfilled, or will I simply be starting a fresh and gleaming chain of events that would lead to another state, twenty years hence, making me look back, once again thinking of the past, christening it the second phase of defeat? Perhaps life is just a succession of defeats. What is victory after all? Would it come with Nirvana? Have I done enough good deeds in this lifetime to even attain Nirvana? I only have questions, questions that lead to more questions, never any answers, no solutions!

1 Comment

  1. I think the answers are all Questions.If you can ask enough questions, you find the passion that blips on the monitor. Every belly laugh, every tear, and every tantrum is another blip. And the best way to find those things is by asking questions.

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