When you commit yourself to a strict regimen of diet and exercise your advisors always tell you to keep ramping up the degrees of difficulty. In weight training they suggest you keep moving up to higher weights. In aerobic exercise you find you can handle higher and higher levels of activity. Each day you find that your body is capable of enduring larger stresses. The same is true for your mind, I suppose.

The problem with me is that boredom with the activity, physical or mental, sets in around the same time as I realize that I am capable of taking on more. Just when I know I can do better I find that I don’t really want to be doing it anymore. I hate this about myself. The discontent, the search for greener pastures and more exciting ventures continues.

At what point will I say to myself that the search ends here? I ask the question knowing that I don’t want to get to such a point. It is a strange craving for something you know you don’t really want. Someone just showed me a beautiful ghazal which was, in essence, a description of a state of being akin to living in a vacuum and a discussion about the ghazal started moving into an area where I was being told that a vacuum sometimes, is as essential to ones life as oxygen. Our discussion got cut short but I can’t help feeling that it would have come close to what, in my own disjointed way, I am trying to say here.

People everywhere are getting along with their lives, living, loving, working, grieving, feeling depressed, feeling momentary joy and then returning to a bland steady state. They tend to a steady state, striving for balance, for equilibrium and no sooner than they get there they yearn for disequilibrium and imbalance again. And we all come up with our own personal philosophies during this journey of life where inevitably, the more things change the more they remain the same.

Then there’s this whole business of love, of analyzing love, pondering love, writing poems about love; love lost, love found, misunderstandings in love, in relationships. It is always about relationships, ad nauseam. I am amazed at the numerous poetic renditions of relationship dissections. People love exposing their own wounds along with those of others for all the world to see and I often wonder why. Didn’t someone once say – “aur bhi gham hain zamae main mohabbat ke siva”? I keep going back to the frustration I hear John Lennon felt with McCartney’s preoccupation with love songs, I identify with this frustration.

Then again, perhaps the transformation is complete – nothing can surprise me now, nothing can cause a ripple in the surface, least of all reading about the angst from being in or out of love.

And this is my blog – I should occasionally allow myself an incoherent ramble or two. So if you stumble upon my blog and this piece of writing someday, feel free to just hit the “Next Blog” button – and move on to greener pastures.


  1. Good light reading. Good pickup of increasing weights, that is absolutely corrrect. Are you saying that you are unaffected by these angst filled writings about love? Nice post.

  2. Gemini trait lady! We need constant excitement. Anyways, its not love that bores us, it is ideas appealing fresh insights that bore us to death. Anything cliched and we wish to stay miles away. We need the zing!By the way that urdu line you quoted is by Faiz Ahmed Faiz. As an essay I think it still need further development, as an outburst; it is just perfect. 🙂

  3. As ever, you have come up a super effort. There is much evidence of deep thought that has provoked you to write this. But while the body and mind can get bored, I do not think that the heart can. Sometimes, perhaps, it seeks sympathy by exposing its wounds.

  4. There is a wistful sombreness about this, a wry ruminativeness, and nowhere does it lapse into the pedestrian or maudlin. The control is enviable.Love it Prags, love it very much! You ought to be considering a book or two now – and no Bulwer-Lyttons either :))

  5. i read somewhere that if you're following an exercise routine and for some reason its interrupted, it can actually cause harm to your system.Thats when I decided to not take the risk at all.

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