So many days go by between writings, even with the noblest intentions of jotting something down everyday. Maybe I think about it too much, about what to write, how to say it. I really shouldn’t, my mind in never blank, there’s always some thought within, so why not write it out with some regularity?

So without thinking about what to write here are the things that weighed on my mind while I disgusted myself with inaction this past weekend:

  • Between lazy Scrabble games played online; a pastime that is so boring that I stole catnaps between turns – and yet I played on, I did some channel surfing and looked up with interest as I listened to the instantly recognizable narrator’s voice (George Clooney) in the documentary on Darfur called Sand and Sorrow. I was riveted, enthralled, in tears and ultimately ashamed at my laziness and inaction and even this armchair realization that I am sentient and possess a conscience but have done nothing or contributed nothing of substance to anything at all.
  • The viewing of this documentary filled up the rest of my afternoon with researching the backgrounds, passions and motivations of so many who appeared in the film. Nicholas Kristof, for instance. He is a two-time Pulitzer winner and after just one afternoon of reading about him and his work I am moved beyond words.
  • Environmental consciousness. It is a logical and moral imperative and yet my garbage sits unsorted into plastics, cans, bottles, newspapers etc. Japanese citizens sort their garbage into 19 different categories, I can’t even manage 2 with regularity!

So needless to say, I am filled with disgust at myself, that has definitely been occupying my thoughts. I think of the times I say how blank I feel, how I can’t write, how I am bored, listless, seeking a new thrill, these thoughts border on evil in light of issues that one could get passionate about and learn to care about.

1 Comment

  1. Good for the disgust, for being vented out; and the conscience, for being awoken. But better for the pen-maiden – she's been summoned to wield her power and here's hoping she will in all regularity! :)Ronj

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