Kaleidoscope

Stunned is probably not the word I am looking for, no, that would be an understatement, I was probably rendered catatonic, mentally, after recent contact with a human kaleidoscope.

This person defies description, no matter how many words one uses, a whirling dervish of a person who can attract with immense power. One encounter can leave one thinking about Jim Morrison’s Riders on the Storm

The temptation to try and define, to create a neat little box of containment was irresistible but it isn’t possible to leave a cerebral, egotistical, arrogant, confident, impatient, mercurial and mildly sociopathic person within such boundaries, one can’t hold on to someone like this, and would one even want to? There are dangers, kaleidoscopes can hypnotize.

If often one is touched and brought to tears by a genuine compassion and care toward the defenseless beings of the world, in the next moment one is equally taken aback by an element of sociopathy, albeit mild, and just when one is lulled into a feeling of engagement, all synapses firing, one detects withdrawal and an emanation of overpowering sense of boredom.

There is an effortless rejection of closeness and kinship and an expression of gratitude only as a means of further distancing, as if to say that expressing thanks or appreciation leaves no need for further obligation or even casual contact. A mind, of course, that is always aswirl with demons of all varieties and the resentment and anger at things not having gone as planned is barely disguised.

There is also evidence of well hidden paranoia that throbs just under the surface and probably manifests itself in inconsistencies in behavior and extreme unreliability…and yet one stares with fascination…one struggles against powerlessness as one craves further contact…

Is this how one gets in touch with oneself?

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