What changed?

You are certainly significant.  So significant that thoughts of you are unshakeable.  I wear different expressions every day, I change my moods, my clothes, my shoes, my hair, my make up.  I could change myself so completely from head to toe…and yet you would be there in my head, like an immovable presence.  The initials of your name startle me, people who share your initials startle me, people who sound like you or resemble you, they all give me a start, a reason to pause. 

I can’t help but wonder if this is just a phase as well.  It has certainly gone on long enough.  Will there come a time when I stop thinking of you?

I want to stop.  This feels like an obsession.  Our interactions are few and far between and never as satisfying as I would like them to be.  And yet I know that if you call I’ll come.  Nothing could stop me.  It’s this obsessive hope that will make me do it every time.  The hope that some day soon you will revert to being the engaging person that you once were.  The memory of those conversations, more than anything else, will keep me coming back, even if it’s only disappointment that’s in store for me.

You can’t possibly be the person you appear to be now.  How you were before can’t possibly be a lie, can it?

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