Nothing: Part 11

I find the expression of displeasure draining even as I realize I am expressing displeasure as I say this. I feel intense fatigue at the people all around me always finding something to complain about. The act is so contagious. Not only does misery love company, it actively seeks to corrupt said company.

I am being a hypocrite because I often lead the charge when it comes to complaining. This morning, at 7:13 am, I was waiting for the red light to turn green so I could enter the parking lot where I leave my car in order to take my bus. I heard the bus revving up its engine. It leaves at 7:15 sharp. I found myself screaming at the intersection, willing the light to change. I felt ashamed of my behavior even as I continued slapping the steering wheel and screaming at the top of my lungs, saying how much I hated that particular stop light, how someone needed to do something about it. I wouldn’t have been behaving this way if I wasn’t alone in the car, this ugly side isn’t for public display. But the part of me that hates such ugliness was appalled at myself. We aren’t even programmed to be consistent with ourselves. We’re such sorry creations.

In the bus I kept praying no one else would sit next to me because they would bring with them the smells of the foods and drinks they had consumed the night before. Their heads would slump onto my shoulder as they snoozed or their lax arms and legs would fall on me or lean on me as I deliberated nudging them upright with force.

I feigned a sneeze and coughed a few times, hoping that would be a deterrent. Such scheming, such selfish nastiness. Of course my prayers weren’t answered, the bus rarely leaves unless all the seats are occupied. Thankfully, the person who sat next to me was minimal in her usage of space and didn’t slump or snore during the ride. But my cantankerous morning antics don’t please me one bit.

The casual conversations are also full of whininess. People complaining about the weather, their healths, their headaches, their aches and pains, their chores, about drivers who delay the evening commute because they like getting overtime dollars (this was news to me, I always assumed it was just the heavy traffic). I should resist joining the chorus but I seldom do.

There should be some degree of acceptance, some resolve to just go with the flow, to just put up with some things as par for the course, instead of raging against anything and everything, pumping our fists up and down, striking at imaginary slights. It’s everywhere!

We need to ratchet down the negativity…rather…I need to ratchet it down.

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