Nothing: Part 24

I was feeling ashamed of having spent my Sunday doing absolutely nothing until I read something about not feeling guilty about things like doing nothing.  So I stopped feeling guilty and continued doing nothing at all. 

The list of nothings included several back to back episodes of LMN (Lifetime Movie Network) movies – with names like “Vows of Deception” and “Deadly Honeymoon”.  It’s amazing how capable these movies are of sinking their hooks deep inside.  There was one where a neighbor woman kept walking into her friend and neighbor’s home, at all odd hours, and replacing her insulin vials with vodka.  The poor woman kept getting DUIs after being sober for over ten years.  The wicked neighbor wanted to steal her husband and her life.  And there are so many stories of women sans conscience or remorse all meeting a deadly “Fatal Attraction” like ending in the end.

I was watching a commercial where a woman stand up comic was poking fun at the concept of television for women saying, “Sure it’s television for women, women are constantly getting kicked around, raped, murdered, abused…” It drew laughs but most of the time the writers of these short movies show women being portrayed as victimizers rather than victims! Is this underscoring a much debated and oft-repeated conclusion that women are their own worst enemies? I should pay attention to the gender of the writers of these scripts.

The hubby, who was also spending his Sunday doing nothing, got snagged by some of these “deadly” shows on LMN too!

I think I’ll spend the next Sunday watching Spike TV to see what they think men like to watch. 

When these movies got too repetitive I started watching back to back episodes of “House” on Bravo.  This show is becoming a real addiction.  Hugh Laurie is excellent in his role as the cantankerous and obnoxious Dr Gregory House.  I am also amazed at how convincing an American he makes.

Loved a line where he called himself a “rational” man and his best friend a “rationalizing” man.  How interesting a distinction.

I did eventually get tired of the idiocy of non-stop TV watching and walked around doing this or that around the house, practicing the medley “The Memories of Stephen Foster” (specifically Old Folks at Home, Oh! Susanna and Old Black Joe) for my upcoming violin concert, followed by a vocal practice session where I tried to improve my rendition of Raag Desh

As I practice my music I wonder about how I can make the session less mechanical.  I do “homework” at the moment, doing whatever my teachers have told me to do before getting ready for the next class but I am feeling like quite an idiot doing just that.  I need to have some conversations with people, I need my own insights, I need to bounce ideas off someone, but I’ve always been lonely in my chosen pursuits. 

I need to feel unstuck and would give anything for that soaring, euphoric feeling that hasn’t paid me a visit in a very long time, not since the day I started this blog and called it – Epiphany.  Well, I need the next epiphany.  I need sustained gusto, sustained enthusiasm, without resorting to something that prevents serotonin re-uptake.

This thing called “small pleasures” is much discussed these days.  Everyone is talking about looking for small pleasures, about slowing down, stopping, smelling whatever (roses aren’t always around)…so I am trying.  The only problem is about sustaining such pleasures once they are found. 

Walking around several blocks of NYC at the lunch hour on Friday was different and hence fun, but won’t doing it everyday become mundane and routine? Should I start taking the subway to Central Park or walk to different parks around the neighborhood next? The only problems is – I hate riding the subways and I only have an hour for lunch.  I can’t possibly lose myself in a book in a park when the time spent is weighing on me. 

Cooking? But then there are messy kitchen counters and dirty dishes, also ingredient shopping and perennial barbs from the hubby if all purchased ingredients don’t get utilized.  Small pleasures appear to be as perishable as the luscious green vegetables and fruits I found at the very pleasurable Whole Foods Market during my Friday rambling.

Well, I just added Dominique Browning’s blog “Slow Love Life” to my list of blogs I follow.  She appears to be on a quest for small pleasures and I could use some inspiration along these lines.

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