I need to restart this blog. It has been awhile. I haven’t had anything to say but hoping putting one word in front of another will get me somewhere.
I spent the last couple of years being dedicated to restoring my health, dropping pounds, turning vegan, trying running, earning a Yoga teaching certificate, and trying very hard to be extremely disciplined about saving more than spending.
I think about all the things that disgust me about myself; the way I don’t see things through, the boredom that sets in, the continued lack of motivation and ambition, an inability to make close and proximal (not virtual) friends. I have friends all around the world. Many of them are close and very dear to me. But no one lives in northwestern New Jersey. I can’t call on anyone just to shoot the breeze. No hanging out/eating out buddies. Sob, sob, poor old me! But I only have myself to blame for this isolation. I have never really made an effort, never been able to sustain a connection. I am preoccupied with this thought now as the years march along. A normal person would know what to do having realized what’s lacking in their lives. They would take some steps. I am clueless. I will wake up friendless again tomorrow morning and do the same things I did today.
There is something to be said for sameness. It doesn’t get its dues. It gets pooh-poohed. Imagine getting a new day and a completely different set of circumstances to sort out each day? That would be a nightmare. Life is messy and if the universe is leaving you alone in placidity, with minimal messes to sort, perhaps you should thank your lucky stars.
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